To start, I do agree with you that that statement is offensive and insulting! I’ve had a friend say to me that she is really glad HER son isn’t queer. She didn’t realize what she was saying to me and I found it a hurtful thing to say.
For one thing, I was talking about parents in general, the average parents in our culture. It is an unfortunate truth, I believe, that my statement is true. I work with families that are NOT coming from a place of acceptance. What would the likelihood be that they would be a group that would WANT a queer child? About zero. I’m sure there are groups of parents who might wish for a queer kid, and many (and I hope MORE and MORE each day) would report being perfectly happy with a LGBTQ+ child, but I have to talk to the parents rejecting their queer kids NOW and in our culture. A culture that ASSUMES all children will grow up straight/cis.
I didn’t say “suffering” but that life is more complicated and difficult. I think my queer-trans son probably did not find beauty in going though the legal system for a name change, sexual affirming surgery, applying androgel every day for the rest of his life, worrying about transphobic violence, discrimination in the work place, the loss of some of his family members, and having to buy new clothes - repeatedly- as his body changed. Oh and I know he does not feel that having regular medical check ups/blood test to monitor his health - particularly his red blood cell count - is all that great.
I believe that the list of positive aspects of being trans is LONGER than that list of hardships. I’ve written in the past about how having been raised as a female, then lesbian identified, makes him a better man, and now a better husband. But you have to keep in mind who I was talking to- parents who were JUST finding out about their kids’ sexual orientation/gender identity. People who were freaking out or actively rejecting their kids. I chose those words to speak to them. I wish that were not necessary.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.