I'm A PFLAG Mom

Posts Tagged "LBGTQ"

On the male side of middle: Paul Neudorf

On being a “whole family”.  For parents who think about how hard their lives are, how much “pain” their trans* child has caused them…Listen to this family talk about their son. How they came to acceptance- through understanding that the child they loved for all those years, is still there- Just happier and healthier. 

Source: youtube.com

Question from Anonymous

You are an amazingly wonderful person. I wish the rest of the population had a heart as good as yours. Thank you for sharing your acceptance and love with so many of us who don't feel like we get acceptance and love from anywhere else.

thank you very much. Your words mean a lot to me. I’m going to tag this “parenting” in hopes that other parents will love and accept their children. Parents don’t have to understand, or agree, just accept and hold your kids close.

Question from lifeasatumbleweed

So glad you are a supportive mom. My mom says she's supportive, but is still very hesitant and somewhat in denial. She thinks I've been influenced by the media, which isn't true. But I'm confident she'll come around. It's just nice to know that there are openly supportive parents of their amazing children. It gives me hope that one day we will have equality and we will be accepted for who we are no matter what! THANK YOU

I am glad you have your mom- she will come around. It’s just harder for some than others.

The time for equality is now. Some day this blog will be as laughable as if it were talking about segregation or women voting.

Illinois to allow transgender individuals to update birth certificate gender marker

Moving in the right direction. Not perfect but better.

Civil rights advocates filed a court-supervised agreement Monday that will make it easier for transgender individuals in Illinois to get accurate birth certificates reflecting their gender.

The agreement asks to end the requirement for genital surgery in order to change the gender marker.

“This agreement reflects a basic understanding that the government should not be in the business of telling transgender Illinoisans what kind of surgery they need to undergo,” said John Knight, director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Project at the ACLU of Illinois.


There is still a requirement for a type of surgery to be performed but the specifics of that surgery are left up to the individual’s physician, according to Melaney Arnold, Public Health Communications, Illinois Department of Public Health.

“The vital records code now requires a licensed physician to appropriately complete the affidavit, attesting that the applicant has undergone an operation, by reason of that operation the gender should be changed on their birth record,” said Arnold.

Operations that would potentially fit this criteria would include a double mastectomy, hysterectomy, orchiectomy, or facial feminization surgery. This is a step forward for many transgender individuals who could not afford the cost of genital reassignment surgery, are worried about the results or do not feel the need to undergo such procedures.

While the paperwork still requires approval from a licensed medical physician, the state sill have much less involvement in the daily lives of transgender individuals as a result of this decision.

“Its going to be the licensed physicians medical opinion,” Arnold said.

The decision also has a retroactive component for those who have already been denied a change to their birth certificate because they did not meet the previous surgery requirements, but meet the new ones. The Illinois Department of Health will notify those who have been denied a gender marker change going back to 2008, for which the department has records.

The Department will also issue a statement on their website clarifying that genital reconstruction surgery is no longer a viable requirement.

Accuracy of records is increasingly a necessity in our daily lives, according to the ACLU’s Knight. The possibility of being outed via official records has long been a concern of the transgender community.

“Having an accurate birth certificate is critical today,” said Lauren Grey, the lead plaintiff in the case. “The agreement filed today clears the way for many people born in Illinois to get an accurate birth certificate that will make their lives safer and more secure.”

©Chicago Phoenix.
An LGBTQ Nation media partner.
Source: lgbtqnation.com

Take charge of your own education

Read this: Being Gay At School from Avert.org

For those of you new to my writing, a quick catch-up. My 21-year-old son is transgender. He identifies as “queer” and is in what I guess you’d call a “heterosexual” relationship as he is male and his girlfriend is female- though both identify as queer. My son came out as trans* when he was about 19. Prior to that, he was a female-identified lesbian. All that is important to make sense of what I’m about to talk about. Please note that I always refer to my son as “he/son” even when talking about when he was female-identified and I considered him my daughter. It makes sentences like: “when my son was a lesbian” make a little more sense if you understand all that.

When my son was in high school, he was a lesbian. [got it? ;)] They had “sex-ed” but besides being mostly abstinence-based, it was 100% heteronormative. If one DID have sex, SOMEDAY like after you’d been married awhile…it would be  strictly hetero-sex. Well as a parent, that obviously wouldn’t pass as sex-ed regardless of your kid’s sexual orientation. The person who led most of his main sex-ed class was a (former) local tv anchor who told them how she kissed her husband for the first time at their wedding. While that is just fine for her, it isn’t exactly representative of typical adolescent sexuality. It wasn’t a big deal for us because my son already knew about the “birds and the bees” and “safer sex” from us talking about it at home. Luckily, he was very aware of what was going on in his school and saw the ridiculous curriculum being passed off as “sex-ed” for what it was. It was also lucky for him that he came from a family that was open about discussing real-world sexuality and life-saving, safe behaviors. 

BUT. Hold on a minute. I am a straight cis-gender female mom. How on earth was I to teach my lesbian child about safer-sex and such things? I had no idea. There is google but try using some of the common search terms on this topic and see what you get! Not exactly what I needed to talk to my 14 yr old. As a feminist who has read general books like Our Bodies Ourselves (okay kids sit down: I have the FIRST edition copy of that one!) I had a notion of what to talk about.

As my kid got a bit older, 15, 16, 17, it was totally out of my league time. I talked to my son and told him “look, you need to keep yourself safe, be respectful of your partner, and know all the things that relate to the sexual activity you - well - do. (okay so it was a tad awkward). I asked him if he was getting the info he needed. He was. While he wanted to the conversation to end there, he didn’t get out of it that easily. I reviewed the most important points that I know from a heterosexual POV and asked if he knew those same things from a queer POV. He did.I do recall that was about where the talk ended- something about him having to wash his hair or hide under the bed to avoid talking more about this with him mom.

So here is my PFLAGmom advice to you not-yet-adults: you are going to have to get this information yourselves as you can’t count on your schools to help, and your parents may not know that you are queer and need different info, or may not know how to talk to you about it if they do know. It doesn’t make this one iota less important for you than for your straight peers. You know how important this is. 

You’ll be able to handle the potential results of search terms such as “safe gay sex” better than I so I’m not worried about what you may run across. Just close your eyes if it is too mature for you (ha). But seriously, take charge of your own education in this area because the life you save may be your own- and/or someone you love.

A review: you have to go out and learn what your rights as a queer citizen are and, most likely, sex-ed for queers. Got it? Good. 

P.S., my favorite memory on this topic was when my son was 14 and they told the kids that you have to wait till you’re married to have sex…But same-sex marriage wasn’t legal…so, he asked me, what did that mean for him? I SO wanted him to ask the teacher that but something about being 14 and not wanting to ask that in front of his peers made him ignore my suggestion.

Source: avert.org

LGBT rights today (a website to check out)

 

Sheila Putang 

The Queen who started it all over 2 years ago with her blog Gays Setting The Record Straight, talking about Gay Rights and issues that affected the LGBT Community. After a year, it turned into Sheilaputang.com, and with a start of not only one but two online Radio Shows, Gays Setting the Record Straight, and Rainbow Straight Talk. Even though Gays Setting The Record Straight was not a popular show format, Rainbow Straight Talk is growing into a once a week broad cast with over 300 listeners and growing. Going into her 3rd year with activisim, and entertaining with crazy tactics online the Haus of Putang is formed. Sheila is joined by her husband Link Putang, lesbian lover Penelope Putang, and 3 sisters Christa Hilfers- Putang, Megan Baby Putang, and the new addition Rosie Putang.